Several years ago, I had my first meeting with Margie and Stan Compton. On paper, the Compton’s’ financial situation was strong: two well-funded 401(k)s, an almost-debt-free home, and independent children. They seemed to be in good shape to achieve their goal of retiring in the next five years.

During our discovery conversation, I learned that Margie’s mother, Ellen, was a widow living alone, 200 miles away. When Margie talked about her mother, her voice lowered and she quietly sighed. I couldn’t help but wonder if there was something else going on. I paused and said, “I sense that this is difficult for you. Would you be comfortable telling me more?”

Margie shared that her mom was recently diagnosed with cancer. On top of that, her mother had meager financial resources and little familial support. Margie felt powerless to help her mother, a burden that weighed on her heavily.

I Could’ve Ignored Margie’s Subtle Behavior and Stuck With My Agenda

Instead, I was able to uncover a priority that superseded others: supporting her ailing mother. Putting my planned agenda aside and inviting her to share more signaled to Margie that what was important to her was important to me.

During My Visit with Margie and Stan, I Used a Relational Tool Called Focused Listening

In what follows, you’ll learn how to use this tool to identify and respond to clients’ unspoken concerns. Not every conversation is going to warrant this type of exploration. But when it does, it’s an opportunity to build an open, enduring relationship by supporting your client in ways they probably don’t expect.

What Is Focused Listening?

You’ve seen it before: You’re having a routine conversation about financial planning or a portfolio change and, uncharacteristically, your client shifts uncomfortably in their seat. The tone of their voice changes. Maybe they look away, or their knee begins to bounce.

Sensing that your client is distracted or upset, what did you do? Did you pause and ask the client if something was on their mind? Perhaps you simply kept the meeting moving. Or you thought, “If there’s something they want to tell me, they will.” That’s where we’re often mistaken.

At Times, Clients Are Guarding Information

When you notice the voice and body language cues mentioned above, something in the conversation might have triggered discomfort, fear, or even shame. Perhaps your client worries that your perception of them would change if you knew about an adult child’s struggle with substance abuse or aging parents who haven’t managed their money well. They could mistakenly think certain personal matters are unimportant to you or irrelevant to your relationship. And while your intuition may tell you there’s more to their story, it’s tempting to avoid pursuing what may be a delicate topic.

Admittedly, There Were Numerous Occasions I Overlooked Signs That a Client Was Troubled

This caused me to miss opportunities to offer them my best counsel. Unfortunately, many other financial professionals may be missing these opportunities too, for fear of seeming intrusive or feeling out of their depth. Focused listening involves not just acknowledging cues, but also responding to them in a skillful and constructive way.

The concept of focused listening isn’t a standard part of financial-professional training, so it may seem unusual at first. Before we move on, have you had any of these thoughts?

How to Use Focused Listening With Clients and Prospects

Keep in mind that focused listening goes beyond spoken words and also considers tone, body language, and context. When you sense there might be something in your client’s story that’s creating uncertainty or concern, consider the following steps to direct the conversation.

STEP 1: Learn More By Using Gentle Inquiry

Get clarity by asking questions using an approach I call “gentle inquiry.” It can help you gain insight about your client without putting them on the spot.

Examples of gentle inquiry:

1. I sensed you may be feeling…

2. I could be mistaken, but…

3. I thought I noticed…

4. It sounds like…

5. Did I hear you say…?

6. Would you like to tell me more about that?

Instead of assuming you know what your client is thinking and feeling, asking if your observations are correct is subtle but has powerful implications. When clients feel truly heard and understood, or at least given the chance, the more they’ll value their relationship with you.

Possible Client Responses to Gentle Inquiry

Your client may respond to your question in a few different ways.

1. “Everything’s Fine"

   If this is your client’s reply, it doesn’t mean you were out of line for asking. You can simply reply:

   I just wanted to make sure you’re okay. Please know going forward, even things that you might think aren’t important may impact the work we do. If it’s important to you, it’s important to me.

   This demonstrates genuine interest in what your client may be thinking and feeling. You’re also offering a standing invitation for future conversations.

2. “I’d Rather Not Discuss It”

   In my experience, this has rarely happened. That said, we must honor the client’s choice. You only need to answer candidly, making your intentions clear:

   Forgive me for asking, my intention’s not to pry. I just want to make sure I don’t miss anything in the planning process. The numbers are a critical part of a plan, but life challenges come up that may affect your finances. When they do, please let me know.

3. The Client Begins to Open Up

   When a client begins to open up, lean in and listen. Give the client space to tell their story. Resist the temptation to begin formulating a response, and instead, give them your full attention. Doing so confirms to clients that you care about them in ways that will never show up on their statements.

STEP 2: What to Do If Your Client Opens Up

Respond with appropriate emotion and sensitivity. You don’t need to have an immediate answer; even if ideas come to mind, ask for time to reflect on the situation before making a recommendation.

Using the Comptons as an example, you could say something such as:

In all my years as a financial professional, I’ve never had a client demand a solution right away.

Taking the time to reflect, research, and consult and collaborate with colleagues tells your client that you’re not going to give them a generic or ill-advised suggestion. Instead, you’re respecting the uniqueness of their situation with a thoughtful response.

To make the most of focused listening, how and when you follow up is critical. In the next section, I’ll provide a framework for what to do after having this type of conversation.

What to Do After the Meeting

STEP 1: Post-Meeting Commitment

Before leaving the office for the day, following up with an email is essential. The message should include the following components:

• Your appreciation for your client’s time and trust

• A summary of what you covered

• The concerns you’ve committed to work on

• When they can expect to hear from you (ideally, within the next five days)

• The email may look something like this:

  Dear Margie and Stan,

  Thank you for your time today. It was a pleasure to meet you.

  Again, I appreciate your confiding in me about Ellen’s health and expressing your concerns. It helps me understand your priorities right now, and I’ll be thinking about how we can support you. You’ll hear from me within the week.

  My best,
  Tim

  This message gives you a natural break in the process and allows you to evaluate potential solutions and next steps.

STEP 2: Follow-Up

The support you offer your client can take different forms, and often more than one.

• Practical, Financial-Planning Solutions

  Understanding Margie’s mother’s situation was a factor in completing the Compton’s financial study, which included two possible scenarios. The first assumed Margie and Stan wouldn’t have any financial responsibility to support Margie’s mother. The second projected how their retirement income would be affected if they provided her with some level of monthly income.

  Seeing how they could feasibly support Margie’s mother financially, Margie no longer felt powerless to help her, giving her peace of mind.

• Connecting Clients With Trusted Resources

  Other times, clients will have challenges that can’t be resolved with only a financial strategy. Our team created relationships with other trusted professionals to whom we referred our clients when they needed more than financial services. Exercise 2, below, can help serve as a guide to establishing similar relationships.

• Empathy May Be Your Best Gift

  Many times, simply saying “I’m here for you and I’ll do what I can to support you” helps your client feel heard, which builds trust. Listening can be just as, if not more, valuable than offering a solution.